I will give you a little background information on my story but not too much cause its part of my book that I'm writing. Well at the age of 10 my mother gave me away, cause her new husband wanted her to himself. I endured lots of hurt and pain during that time. Well after suffering from years of depression, I decided I was gonna bounce back. Part of the process included forgiving my mother and trying to reach out to her. All I wanted was for her to love me. Was I asking for too much? She has 5 other children and she loves them so why not me? She says she loves me but if she does why did she give me away for a man? When I forgave her after I got older, why does she still turn her back to me at times? Should I just cut all ties and chalk it up as a loss? I've been really sick lately due to a heart condition. My mother not once came to the hospital with me lately, let alone called. While I'm in the hospital fighting for my life she's out with my cousin. Last week my cousin found out she has cancer and since then my mother hasn't left her side. That's hurtful cause I'm her own daughter, what if I died ? I really need my mother by my side and when I need her most she's not there. She's there for everyone else but me. When I told her how I feel she called me selfish. How am I selfish for wanting my mother to love me and be there like a mother should? The worst part is she considers herself a christian. Its been times lately that she's literally lied to me. She tells me she's at work so I call her job only to find out she called off to go be with my cousin at the dr. After all she did to me in the past she promised to never hurt me again. She said she was sorry for abandoning me and I took her word for it. But it feels like she's abandoning me all over again. All of those wounds that I felt were healed, are open again. I feel as if I've been stabbed in the heart. I constantly pray on the situation and ask God to help me. I don't know what more I can do. I feel alone. I don't have my father cause he's done some terrible things and I don't have my mother either. So I think its time to cut all ties and move on. Its obvious that I'll never get the love that I need from her. Well I'm going to have to end this post because I'm very emotional right now. For those who have listened, thank you.
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